Moving Beyond the “Man Box”
Men and boys can play a pivotal role in eliminating family and gender violence, particularly when men commit 80- 90% of the reported cases of domestic violence. CONNECT’s work with men serves dual purposes, to begin with, as a strategy to keep women and children safe by doing prevention and intervention work with abusive men, bystanders and male youth. We also seek to provide men the help needed to recognize and transform their attitudes and belief systems into positive and healthy attitudes towards women children and other men.
Most men still find themselves pushed to live in the “Man Box,” a rigid construct of cultural ideas about male identity, according to the 2017 study The Man Box: A Study on Being a Young Man in the US, UK, and Mexico. The “Man Box” consists of the ideas of being self-sufficient, acting tough, looking physically attractive, sticking to rigid gender roles, being heterosexual, having sexual prowess, and using aggression to resolve conflicts. 1
CONNECT Men seeks to help transform the way men think about women and girls, and how they think about other men too. Together with men, we explore different types of masculinities, with the goal of moving away from the toxic and the hyper masculinity and looking at all the other forms that can be much healthier, says Quentin Walcott, Co-Executive Director of CONNECT. CONNECT Men organizes workshops, roundtables, and training programs for men and boys to develop successful methods of prevention and intervention of violence.
CONNECT also places an emphasis on community engagement and support. “The power of a strong relationship with an ally like a mother, father, or teacher is that it strengthens the boy’s core sense of who he is and therefore empowers him to resist the pressures of a culture that is trying to fit him into a box,” according to Michael Reichert, author of How to Raise a Boy. 2
One of the ways we bring together communities and men is the Annual Father’s Day Pledge Against Violence. Every year, hundreds of fathers, as well as sons, mothers, daughters, and everyone in between, join us in June to take or renew their pledges against violence in their homes, schools and communities.
The Pledge is to:
• Never commit, condone, or remain silent about domestic violence, intimate partner violence, and violence in our homes and communities.
• Educate myself and others to challenge attitudes that condone disrespectful behavior or degrading language,
• Take action to end all forms of violence with love, compassion and without judgment.
• Stand with courage, lead with conviction, and speak out to promote non-violence as the norm.
• Take action to end domestic violence and all forms of violence.
• Speak up and no longer stand as a silent bystander to violence and abuse.
• Challenge men who use sexist language and make degrading jokes or comments about women.
• Confront attitudes in myself and other men that condone or encourage aggressive/ abusive behavior.
• Examine my own attitudes and beliefs about violence, power, control and entitlement.
• Talk with boys and young men about healthy and equitable attitudes and relationships.
• Actively work to involve men in violence prevention.
Ultimately, CONNECT’s vision is to have a team of men that ally with women on social justice, community health and social justice issues, in their respective communities and to develop responses to interpersonal and gender violence.
Sources
1. Brian Heilman, Gary Barker & Alexander Harrison, The Man Box: A Study on Being a Young Man in the US, UK, and Mexico, 2017, https://promundoglobal.org/resources/man-box-study-young-man-us-uk-mexico-key-findings/#
2. Beck, Julie, Raising Boys With a Broader Definition of Masculinity, The Atlantic, Apr. 15, 2019, https://www.theatlantic.com/family/archive/2019/04/how-raise-boys/587107/